rustyjesus

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

A girl phoned me the other day and said .... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know."

"Its lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom."

"My wife was afraid of the dark, saw me naked, now she's afraid of the light!"

"I told my doctor that when I woke up in the morning I couldn't stand looking at myself in the mirror. He said, 'At least we know your vision is perfect.'"

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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A few RANDOM things about me...

In total honesty i would say the first time i discovered masterbation was when i was a just toddler (though i really do not know what i was thinking in my head at the time, cause i never knew or seen to much at that point).

I also remember the first time i came, it was around the age of 9 or 10! And i was very freaked out from this milky substance that just came out of me, and that i had never seen before. Until then i would still have orgasms, but nothing came out it was a 100% blank shot.

When i was a teen, my mother found my porn collection, and out of anger she called me the "porn king" (amongst other names lol), a name which i found fitting, and was a little proud of at the time!

I would say i am addicted to masterbating, even in a relationship, and after plenty of sex, i still want do it!

*AS FAS AS XHAMSTER IS CONSERNED...
I usually will not upload a "typical" porn vid to xhamster (unless i find the chick super hott or something), more of like a funny or interesting type of a video.
Videos that are not as much about the person's looks, and more about what actually is taking place in the video.

I find it fun uploading vids to xhamster. And i certainly have more to upload in the future! I just will not post them all at once! And more spread out over time!

So stay tuned for more.......